On March 16, 2014 I was notified by WordPress:
“Happy Anniversary! You registered on WordPress.com 2 years ago!”
I think about a lot of anniversaries during the first four months of each year:
Twenty-one years ago during this month of April is when these mental/emotional health issues I didn’t realize I had emerged full-force after a breakdown. No professional person has ever labeled what I went through as a “breakdown”since it happened in the privacy of my own home. I label it as such because that term is the only one I think applies to what I went through for a solid week. The after-effects have lasted twenty-one years and, unless I receive a miracle, will last until the day I die.
Four years ago in January my meds quit working and I spiraled so far down until I came closest to committing suicide than ever before. I wasn’t aware at the time that my meds quit working. It snuck upon me slowly. I thank God I had a wonderful psychiatrist at the time who would call me at home to check up on me. It took until March before I was able to get out of the house and see him. I think I scared him because I’d cut myself twice in a twenty-four hour period, since the first time I hadn’t cut deeply enough, and I don’t think he’d ever encountered that before. He wasn’t a full-fledged M.D. He was a P.A. (Physicians Assistant.) He was the best doctor I ever had. Unfortunately for me and all his other patients at the mental health clinic, he decided to transfer to Primary Care. I miss him quite often!!
Two years ago in February, on Valentine’s Day, I had a mastectomy and survived my fight against breast cancer. (The radiation came later, but I consider this date to be when I knew I had truly survived the ordeal.)
I’m grateful WordPress notified me of my anniversary with them. My writing has changed since I first began my blog. This is only right as I have changed in the past two years.
I chose my user name to reflect that I was a survivor. This was something new to my awareness of who I was after surviving everything I’d been through in life, not just the breast cancer.
I also wanted to protect my privacy and the privacy of those I love as much as I possibly know how to do so. This blog is not about identifying me as an individual, but it’s about my experiences and how I’ve survived, endured and persevered through them. I also show the mistakes I’ve made along the way and am as open as I can be in a public forum to underscore the fact that I am a spiritual being residing in a human body and therefore I am still able to mess up big time.
My hope still remains that those who need to read what I write will be led here so they can see that if I, a regular person, can go through all I’ve gone through and am still going through, if I can survive, endure and persevere through it all, then so can anyone else.
I am praying that I will now be enabled to thrive, to shine, to be myself no matter the circumstances around me. I hope those who have read my blog and are reading it will stick with me and see how this turns out. Hopefully, I’ll have another anniversary to celebrate: “The Day I Began To Thrive!!”